Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Wretched

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like a wretched parent?  Monday was one of those days.  Let's just say that when the kids were finally in bed, I called my mom crying about how horrible my children are.

The day didn't start out any differently than others but started getting bad when at 3pm I realized I was getting a migraine.  My weird visual disturbances began and I took one of my migraine pills but I'm not sure how much it helped this time.  I left work at 4pm and drove home in a complete haze and was able to lay in my bed for about an hour.  My pain was managable when I got up, thankfully, and I went down for dinner.  (I've never had horrible pain like some people do with migraines - my issue is more the disturbing aura phase.  Tingly hands, not being able to see clearly, having somewhat incoherent thoughts and once when I was pregnant with Piper I had a brief period of incoherent speech.  As you can guess, once that part's over the pain is bearable.)

Thankfully, Jason managed to get the kids away from me and I rested and felt well enough to clean up dinner while he went out and put our new deck furniture together.  (Got a new table and chairs and wicker sitting set!)  This is where things started to crash and burn.

Caroline went back up to Sophia's to play, which was fine, but then Bryce and Piper wanted to go too.  Piper can't go out to play without supervision so I told her to wait.  She didn't.  She dragged her scooter through the house from the garage to get outside.  I was finishing cleaning up dinner and banged my head HARD under the table cleaning up the mess Piper still makes under the table!  This was NOT the day to bang my head.  I hurried up the street once I was done, head aching, and caught up to them.  Caroline got angry to see her siblings because she wanted to be alone with Sophia.  But, Sophia's little sister, Ella, was outside so Piper had a friend to play with. I stood and talked to their mom while they played.

But within a few minutes, Caroline was doing cartwheels (shocker) and kicked Sophia in the face by accident.  I wasn't mad at her for doing it because I know it was an accident but I was irritated she just does cartwheels without looking around.  Sophia was crying, Caroline was crying.  Sophia's mom got her some ice and the girls sat down together.  I reminded Caroline how important it was to watch where she was cartwheeling.  Can you EVER stop cartwheeling, child?


I continued to stand and watch the kids play.  Bryce kept irritating the girls because he had no other kids to play with.  He did that last week too but to a different degree and I thought I was going to kill him then.  Thankfully he kept it in check this time.  Then Caroline gets back up and cartwheels and kicks Ella in the face.  At this point, I was about to lose it.  Ella is only 2, yes, but Caroline needs to watch what she's doing!  I told her no more cartwheeling and she went out front.  Which meant that Sophia went out front along with all the other kids.

As we were walking around front, Sophia's mom said they were going to be going inside for dinner and I was going to round my kids up to go home.  But before I could utter a word, I hear Piper screaming.  Caroline had pushed her down.  Ugh.  I yelled for Caroline to come to me and then told all three kids we were going home.  Caroline freaked!  I DO NOT WANT TO GO HOME!  She started acting like an imbecile.  Threw herself on the ground and started pounding her watch into the ground (which I promptly took).  My neighbor just stood on the sideline with her girls and watched in silence...probably in horror.  And because Piper was screaming about being pushed, she wouldn't ride her bike home which meant I had to push it and Caroline is hanging behind me yelling about not wanting to go home.

Nice.

I said my quick goodbyes to my neighbor and walked down the street ignoring Caroline pushing the little bike.  My head was pounding.  Caroline went in and screamed her head off in her room upon finding out she was grounded the next day.  I went on the deck and just sat and talked to Jason while he worked.  Caroline finally came down calm and sat on my lap and we talked.  But before long, Piper was screaming again that Bryce had hit her.  (This child screams over EVERYTHING but this time I could tell she was hurt.)

Bryce had hit her and run back upstairs to pretend he hadn't done anything.  As soon as I told him I figured out what he did he started with the "Piper stupid dummyhead" talk.  Shut up! (was what I wanted to say)

I am just so done with the way Bryce treats Piper and how "dumb" he thinks she is.  At that point though, no headway was going to be made with it since he was in an uproar too.

There was the expected amount of unhappiness amongst the children at bedtime and we finally got them all to bed.  I really was at the end of my rope between my headache and parental frustration.  Aside from their behavior that night, I'm starting to have anxiety about the summer and keeping them occupied while they are at home with my IL's.  I have my work cut out for me this weekend trying to get things organized.  I do not want this behavior to persist for anyone, let alone my IL's.  (My mom has them at her house once a week and they tend to do a little better in the "bored" department since they are at her house and it's only one day a week.)

I've got a trip to the craft store planned this weekend and plan to get some things to mobilize us.  I want to create a bored jar, a summer chore chart, and various other things.  I know Caroline has 2 camps to go to and my MIL wants to have them up at her house for days here and there along with a few day trips thrown in.  I'm taking some days off here and there too.  I always get so anxious and guilty this time of year.  I would do anything for the summer off or maybe just a part time schedule in the summer, but in the world of higher ed, unless you are faculty, you're working.  It bothers me significantly less the rest of the year....practically not at all, but come June, I start feeling terrible about my failings as a mother.  I'm guessing most fathers don't feel that way.

1 comment:

Laura said...

Sorry to hear that you had a bad time on Monday. It's difficult enough to deal with troublesome tots when you feel fine, much harder when you feel lousy. Hope the week got better for you!