Monday, February 01, 2010

Just Feeling Yuck

I don't know if it's the winter, the weather, the stress at work, my age, or what but I'm just feeling really low lately. I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see. I look old, haggard, tired, unattractive, totally blah, and just yuck. I look at my kids' fresh, young, bright faces and feel so gray in comparison. I feel like I've just lost my zest lately.

Honestly, a lot of it probably has to do with the weather(season) and work. Work is fine, but we're coming out of the most stressful 5 weeks of the year. Terribly stressful. I have to force myself to stop doing work while I'm there (um facebook and blogs?) and make myself go and eat lunch (which I usually end up eating at my desk). The good news is the day goes fast, but at 4:30, most days I'm ready to walk out the door but this month, I feel like I've barely gotten started. And then at night, I find myself thinking about it when normally I rarely think about work outside the office. The other night Jason asked me about something at work right before bed and because of that, I had a terrible time going to sleep that night because it was like it got my brain started again.

And then the migraine on Friday night just made things worse since I was looking forward to a weekend with the family and basically my Friday and Saturday was pretty much ruined by the pain and exhaustion that goes along with it. I didn't care about the snow at all - I felt like I barely noticed it.

Thankfully, I have been exercising since the holidays than I probably did all of last year. Between the treadmill, the EA Active Challenge on the Wii, I'm getting some activity every day - and probably if it weren't for that, I'd probably REALLY be feeling like crap. So I guess I should be feeling positive about that.

I don't even like looking at myself when I'm getting ready in the morning - why bother with hair/makeup when you really don't think it makes much of a difference? Although I still go through the motions because I won't let myself go out looking THAT bad, so all is not lost. And no, I didn't write this as some kind of pity post because honestly, no matter what you tell me I'm not going to feel any better. I just feel like my inner radiance (did I ever have that?) is gone.

I just want that fresh faced look that the kids have - I wish there was a way to bottle it. Maybe to start, I'll get some sleep.


Unknown said...

I think it's just time for spring. I feel the same way... I'm ready to be outside every day again with the kids and the neighbors. Major vitamin D deficiency going on!!! LOL!

Erika said...

Funny you mention vitamin D - I take a 2000 IU supplement in addition to my daily multiple. I don't know if it's helping much in terms of my mood but so far it's helped keep me from getting as sick as the kids.

I think there's more to seasonal affective than just the D - there's nothing like feeling real sun on your face.

Bracken said...

seasonal affective really can make an impact. Here's hoping for spring to arrive soon for you. In the mean time, just a little personal feedback, I do feel you have had inner radiance and still do, it is just a little hidden right now :> A relief from the application deadline wouldn't hurt either!!! HA HA! I haven't figured out how to gain control of my emails, so I know how you are feeling.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya, although you always look great. Spring needs to come soon! K