Thursday, September 10, 2009

Why am I stressing about this?

In a few weeks, Jason and I are going to a wedding that he is also a groomsman for. We've known about it for over a year and I've been looking forward to it. We've already asked my IL's to do an overnight babysitting that afternoon/night because we won't get home until late and the kids will have a great time. But then, just the other day, Jason got the official word about the rehearsal dinner the night before. Naturally, I remembered I have to figure out child care that night and started thinking I would need to ask someone. And while I had actually thought about it previously, getting the official word made me all anxious. Not because I don't want to go but because I don't like the idea of being out two nights of a weekend and knowing I won't get to see kids very much. (I know they'll probably be going up to my IL's mid-afternoon on that Saturday and because my IL's don't live really close, it will a little later in the day before we see them on Sunday.)

Why am I so upset about this? It's just one weekend and it's not like I won't see them at all. But I think because I am a working mom, that I see my evenings and weekends as even more precious since I'm away from my kids 40 hours a week. It just makes me sad to think ahead to that weekend of barely seeing them. Even when they drive me batty, I want to be with them.

Jason has already told me he would be willing to go to the rehearsal/dinner alone, which I'm thinking about, but I need to decide soon. But then I feel terribly guilty about him going by himself and knowing he'll be fielding questions as to my whereabouts all evening. (Lest someone think we're having some kind of marital problem or something. Ha ha!) It's not that I don't want to spend the evening with him, I'm sure it would be nice, but I know that the whole night I'll be thinking that I won't get to see the kids much the next day either and then before we know it, it will be Monday again and we'll be back into our regular routine.

And then I feel kind of ridiculous because I know lots of parents who seem to have no problems leaving their kids for a few days - or even a week for a non-kid vacation. I can't even stomach that possibility. It would be completely wasted on me because I'd spend the whole time missing the kids.

Why does motherhood come with guilt attached? To quote my friend Rowlf the Dog, "You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. There's something irresistable-ish about 'em." So true. So true.


Heather said...

I know for me, I miss Gretchen when we are away but I also feel recharged when I return...I think I become a better Mom to her when I take a little break once in awhile.

Erin said...

I'm with you... I couldn't stomach a whole weekend away yet. I'd miss them too much! If I were in your shoes, I'd probably send Tom alone. So don't feel bad! ;)

Lisa ;-) said...

I understand where you are coming from! I would miss my kids as well and they are much older! Why don't you go to both of the events and them plan something extra special as a family on Sunday. You will look forward to it as well as the kids. Just a thought!

Katie said...

Is it b/c of mommy guilt or b/c you don't think that whoever is getting married is worthy of two nights away from your kids? It has to be a really great friend/party or a family member for me to devote two nights away. So, if you skipped the rehearsal, I would get why-- and understand why the mommy guilt is triggering so bad.

I say skip it.

And I KNOW that if in the future we did a couples get-away to Cancun or some awesomely fun place, with our hubbies, that leaving the kiddos behind for two nights would not be a problem right?? RIGHT????

Anonymous said...

We will keep the little ones for the
friday problem!