Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Updates - Good and Bad

Bryce hasn't had a fever since Sunday night so after a day of respite with my IL's, he was back to school today without incident. Piper woke up with a stuffy nose so it seems she's got a cold, but what else is new? I'll take a plain old cold any day after all that we've had this season. Everyone is healthy and happy in this house though, so I will count my lucky stars for that.

In other news, my maternal grandmother isn't doing well. She's been in the nursing home for 6 years with increasing dementia and other failing health issues. Mostly now, she sleeps a lot. We thought we were going to lose her 2 years ago when she was diagnosed as end stage anemia likely due to some slow internal bleeding. She turned 88 this past January and my mom called me this morning to tell me they think she's got pneumonia. My mom is so conflicted on what to do because it was 2 years ago that my mom decided after multiple blood transfusions to stop the life saving measures and just to let her go. Somehow though, she stabilized and has continued to hang on. She's over 90 minutes away from us but my mom gets up to see her about every other week or so. It's all just very sad because I hate seeing her in there but the past few years she's ceased to really know who any of her family members are although I know she knows my mom. I feel in many ways that I've already lost my grandmother since she's hardly the woman I grew up watching cook up a storm in her kitchen. I think about the very hard life she's had and the big heart she has and it just makes me sad to see her hanging on like this. I also hate seeing how hard all of this is on my mom. I know how much she loves her mother and how much the weight of making all these decisions has been wearing on her. I just want my grandmother to be at peace. This constant up and down in the nursing home makes me so sad to think of existing like that. And while I'll be very sad when she's truly gone, I also know that the grandmother that I love has been gone for a long time and it's my memories of her that are what will always be in my heart.

So we'll see what the next few days for her bring - she's continued to surprise us by how her body just seems to keep on working although we don't quite understand it with her hemoglobin being so low. It's amazing how the body can survive, but then, my grandmother has always been a survivor. She's survived 2 husbands, a son, a life threatening autoimmune disease and a host of other hardships. I don't think her body knows how to quit.

The photos I posted are from Easter 2001 of Nanny with Chrissa and Kevin (my siblings). Happy memories and just one of the ways I'll always remember her.

ETA: I DID have a photo of us from summer 2001. I love that she's got her cute granny purse here. :) (Ignore my weird hair.)

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you Erika. Very eloquent.
Mom

Katie said...

I'm sorry she's not doing well.
What a nice post though. Where is your photo with Nanny? Post one of your favs even if it isn't the most recent.

Erika said...

I don't have any digital right now. See, I am the photographer so I'm so rarely in photos or have to ask someone to take one of me. I don't even know if I have one with her here in my house. I know there are some at my mom's. That kind of makes me sad now that I think about it.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you found this picture, Erika. She so loves you 3 kids...the 3 of you have always been so loving with her and made her so happy. You all had fun with her growing up.
Mom