Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Seriously, My Heart Can't Take Any More

When I was driving home from work yesterday, I was all set to write a good blog post about how things were going well and we were all on the path to adjustment to our new routine and daycare situations. Bryce had done well on his first day at the preschool/daycare where Caroline has been going since mid-August and I had just picked Piper up from her new DCP who just completely adores her and gave her so much love and attention. Drop off for Bryce had gone fine again that morning so as I arrived home, I was thinking that FINALLY things were starting to settle down after the constant commotion of the past 3 months.

Wishful soon as I walked in the house I found out that Bryce had cried for TWO HOURS yesterday morning. I guess he had been very hard to console and sat and just cried for me. Although once he finally stopped, the rest of the day had been fine. But looking at him, I could see by the look of his face that he'd cried a lot.

I know that they didn't call me from the center because they can handle it and because after doing this for over 17 years, the owner/teacher has seen it all. But that doesn't make it any easier on me.

And then this morning, I knew it was going to be bad. We started the morning off with lots of "I don't wanna go to school!"s and each time Bryce said it, I just validated him and said, "I know, Bryce doesn't want to go to school," and I didn't argue with him since I know you can't argue with a 3 year old. That seemed to work the day before. He didn't want to get into the car, put on his jacket or get out of the car. The tantrum started before we even got in the door.

Thank goodness Caroline is completely adjusted and now tells me each day how much she likes her school. But Bryce cried and yelled for me telling me he wanted to go home with me. He was clinging to me for dear life and I didn't know how to get out of there since I know that is what you have to do because being there makes it worse. His teacher/the owner finally got him away from me so I could get out the door. As soon as I walked out, I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. Leaving your child crying somewhere in a "strange" new place is horrible. I called Jason immediately and we both agree that we just have to keep taking him and he'll have to come around. His teacher said that they've seen this before from kids who come from being at home or in a relaxed daycare environment. Yes, we went through this a bit less intensely with Caroline a month ago but with her, I'd leave and a little while later, she was fine. With Bryce, I don't know how long he'll cry.

I want to call and check, but I also am scared. I don't want to hear him crying in the background and feel even more powerless than ever. I wish I could see the future and know how long this is going to take for him to understand that this is just the way it is. I feel good about the center because it's pretty small and I'm very pleased with how much Caroline is already benefitting from being there so I know Bryce can benfit in the same way. He just has to figure this out.

Meanwhile, I'll sit here at my desk sick to my stomach watching the clock to decide when to call. I'm just at the end of my rope here. All the constant change and commotion over the past 3 months is really wearing on me. Everything from having another baby, getting Caroline adjusted to a new daycare/routine, Bryce's broken arm, losing my daycare without any notice, finding new daycare for Bryce and Piper, going back to work full time, and now getting the younger kids adjusted to a new routine (let alone me getting used to a different routine) has me completely stressed out, anxious, and stressed all the time. I feel like all I'm doing now is sitting and waiting for something difficult to come up again. When will we EVER get into an "easy" routine again. Everytime I turn around it's something else to completely stress me out. I know I'm not someone who deals well with change but these past few months have been so hard. Everything just seems so unstable at the moment. But then it seems a lot in the world these days seems really unstable right now.

I just needed to get that out. Fingers crossed Bryce is okay. I'll call in a little bit.

UPDATE: Called at 9:30am and Bryce stopped crying shortly after I left. They said he cried again when it was time for Caroline go across the hall to her classroom but they got him calmed down again and he just had had snack. I expressed to his teacher my concern and asked what I could do to help her and she said that just getting out the door faster is best and I told her this morning I didn't leave as fast as I could have since I was concerned with leaving her with him in SUCH a fit. She said she totally appreciated me actually asking and that it was okay with her just to leave him. So hopefully, it will get better from here. Please. Let it get better.


Lisa :) said...

So sad. I feel sorry for you. I think that it is best for you to drop him and go. As hard as that is to do. He will adjust quicker to the routine than you will. I am so sorry tht that you have to deal with all of these changes. It is very hard. I still hate seeing my kids go off to school in the mornings. You wouldn't be such a great parent if you were not worried. Take care and keep your chin up. Things will get better.

Heather said...

Poor little sweetie. I'm sure in no time he will love going to school.

BJ said...

It is hard but the kids do adjust. I had that problem with Sydney and I just had to have them help pull her off of me and I just turned and went out the door. I felt so bad but I knew in my heart I just had to do it. It isn't easy but they usually do adjust.

As for constant change and stress in your life --- I hear ya!!!!

Erin said...

Ugh. Been there. No fun. :( It definitely helps that you trust the teachers. I know that always made me feel a little better when I had to leave Ben crying. Do you think one of them agree would give you a call to update you for awhile until things improve? Ben's teacher called me aftern dropoff for a couple weeks to just let me know how long he cried and how he was doing... I loved that. :)

Mama said...

Keep dropping him off and leaving, this soon will become a normal routine for him. Also, the story The Kissing Hand is really good for this type of issue. I deal with this at work alot, and the best scenarios are kids whose parents leave immediately. With the 5 year olds it takes about a week for them to adjust & be since he is younger it may take a bit longer, but it will happen.