Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'm Here

Just checking in for all you caring people out there in blogland. Made it into work on my next to last day and I'm just trying to get as many of the last things done as I can before I leave. So keeping busy, definitely helps to pass the time. My back and entire belly just hurt at this point, but as long as I'm not trying to do too much, I'm okay. Baby girl is dancing all around again so I think that means I need to get up and walk around to settle her down a bit.

I told Jason last night we should enjoy our last few nights of extended periods of sleep. I'm still only getting up about once a night to use the bathroom and even so, I barely have to rouse myself to do that. Very different story once the baby is here. I was reminding him how in the early weeks, when you get up to feed them, you usually have to diaper them, change their clothes (for explosions), and often feed and diaper them AGAIN before you can go back to sleep. Keeping my fingers crossed for a sleeper/eater like Caroline was where she'd only get up every 3-4 hours. Bryce was wanting to eat every 1 1/2 to 2 hours. (And he's STILL my thirsty boy!)

It's going to be so odd having someone so tiny in my arms again. You don't realize how big your older kids have gotten until they hand you that newborn. I remember looking at Caroline for the first time after having Bryce and being astounded at how big she was and she was barely 21 months old! Bryce is a monster compared to a newborn now but I know I'll have that same realization the first time I see him again. It will be weird that Bryce won't be my baby baby anymore.

We've had a really good couple of days with the kids and I'm soaking them up as much as I possibly can since I know once the baby is here, it will be a blur. I'm pretty sure Caroline is aware of all that is going on and having some anxiety about it. Last night we sat and played "Miss Pam" (our hair dresser) for a while and we talked like we would if we were getting our hair cut. She was pretending to be the stylist and was asking me about my kids and she told me to pretend that the baby was already here and to tell her about the baby. Of course, while I was getting my hair cut I took the opportunity to tell "Miss Pam" that we love the baby very much but that I am so proud of what a good big sister Caroline is being and how loving and helpful she is. I also told "Miss Pam" how having another baby doesn't mean I love my bigger kids any less - in fact my heart has grown bigger and is even more full of love now. "Miss Pam" liked hearing that. After we were done, Caroline asked to play again tonight - I think that can be arranged.

I just remember that after Bryce was born, it seemed like everyone wanted to help out with Caroline and were trying their best to keep her occupied and happy. Of course, that meant that even though she was home, I just felt like I barely saw her or got to do anything for her and that was really hard for me. So I'm already aware of this potential and I'm going to make sure that it doesn't happen as much this time. Even if they're just snuggling on the couch with me.

So what started out as a quick check in has turned into some kind of cathartic entry. Big surprise. And of course, I've had to stop a few time, reach back for a tissue, and fight the tears and hope no one walks into my office to see me crying. But what else is new these days?


Viv said...

You are such a great Mom! I hope you kiddies realize how caring and special you are :)

Bracken said...

I agree with Viv. You are a wonderful mom and you can just feel it in your words.

Heather said...

Sounds like "Miss Pam" has a very good Mommy who loves her and Bryce very much.

Here's hoping for a July 11 birthday....